Pre-Travel

The night before a trip, husband and wife are packing.
Or rather, they are supposed to be packing. Wife is packing. Husband is nowhere to be found.
Wife is standing over her very small luggage trying to figure out how to fit clothing for cool and warm weather, day and night outings, appropriate shoes, plus liquid cosmetics.
Wife has laid out several full outfits of the same color palette with accessories so that she can double dip shoes.
Cosmetics are categorized on the bathroom counter according to material (powder, cream, actual liquid), ounces, and divided into carry-on, check-in, and double baggy.
Travel day outfit, reading material, and phone charger are placed within small carry-on along with wallet, cell, 4 days itinerary and driving directions to all appointments,

Husband still not packed. Husband's luggage still unzipped, empty on floor of closet. Wife concerned. Wife specifically requested that husband pack the night before, not the day-of, as his is usual practice which induces wife's stress to new heights.

Husband sheepishly walks in to master bathroom where wife is ziplocking cosmetics prior to placement in secondary lined cosmetic bags.

"Can you help me?"

"Sure. What do you need?"

"I can't turn on the washer."

Wife pauses. Looks at husband.

"Why do you need to turn on the washer? I told you I was doing laundry today, you were supposed to give me whatever you needed for the trip."

Husband purposefully sidesteps question, knowing full well the statement was accurate.

He repeats request in an amended format.

"Can you show me how to turn on the washer?" Slightly embarrassed, pleading tone.

Wife can't help herself.

"You seriously don't know how to turn on our washer? We've had those machines for 15 months."

Husband puts on innocent face.

"I've never turned on the washer before."

Wife starts adding months up in her head.

"You are telling me that you haven't done a single load of your own laundry in as least the last 15 months?"

Husband smiles. Big.

"I have you." Hug.

"Yes. i Know..." Wife is fully aware husband has not done laundry in the last 15 months.

"Will you wash this small pile for me?" Sweet pleading.

"It's 9pm. After the wash cycle which will take just under an hour, you need to dry your clothes, another 20-30 minutes. I don't plan on doing laundry at 11pm, which is why I did laundry earlier today, and asked you to make sure you gave me whatever you needed washed. In fact, that's what the rectangular white wicker box next to the shower and your sink is for. It's called a hamper. It's where we put dirty clothes so they get washed."

"Please."

"Come downstairs with me, carry your own dirty clothes, and I'll show you where the power button is."

Sincere question:

"There's a power button?"

"Yes. It's a big round button that reads 'power.' There was your problem, I'm betting your second problem was where to put the detergent. Do you even know where our laundry room is?"

Husband feigns hurt feelings.

"Of course I do. It's next to the room where you make dinner."

To this day, husband has yet to do a load of his own laundry in the new house.